Me, myself and I

This period in my life has, no doubt, been the most difficult that I’ve ever had to go through. I’ve always thought that I was fairly resilient and the thoughts and feelings that I’ve had during this period has shown me that it has nothing to do with strength or resilience. Dark periods will always exist for everybody. Sometimes, life just throws you that way. But one crucial thing that I have learnt is that no-one can cure you or save you from how you feel; which is not to say things won’t get better but most of the heavy lifting has to come from within yourself.

The following has really helped me:

– I’m in therapy, albeit temporary it’s helped me develop some interesting skills in terms of reflecting on asking why I feel the way I do about things and then confronting the cause of the negative feeling.

– Travelling. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford short trips away when I feel like things are getting a bit overwhelming. Being able to see foreign landscapes and cultures does help put things into a more objective perspective. But generally I find being outdoors and in the countryside helps, no matter if it’s abroad or not.

– Exercise. This is the key one for me. I am a very keen climber and go anywhere between 2-4 times a week and have done for the last nearly four years. In terms of the physical benefits, there are loads. Mentally though, the things that help me are the same reasons why I specifically love climbing:
– I can gauge my progress. The indoor routes and most outdoor routes you
come across will be graded in terms of difficulty. And even if you don’t benchmark your performance against that, there will always be moves or climbs that you can’t do but keep working at until you get it. That satisfaction is so encouraging and translates outside of climbing.
– It makes me switch off. Or rather, it forces me to not think about whatever worries I had on my mind. I have to focus on the route in front of me and be present in order to a) do the climb and b) do it safely so that I don’t injure myself.
– It’s an individual sport. To quote Nietzsche “But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself”. For most people, physically they should be climbing way harder than they actually do. For me, I definitely recognise that the main obstacle holding me back is my own head. To climb and to keep succeeding is to help overcome this.
I don’t imagine climbing is for everybody. But exercise is. Our bodies are built for movement and actually doing what it was meant to does help things go a long way I think.

– Friends. They have really been my rock throughout all this. Some more than others, some not at all. You can never blame someone for how they will react because some people just don’t know how to be around or be what you need. This obviously sucks when they are someone you are really close to or rely on like your other half but in that case you just have to come to terms with the fact you can deal with the situation better without them – they are something you can deal with in future.
The more I relied on my friends, the more I realised I wanted to rely on myself and then to have their support is extra on top of it all because support from other people isn’t a given (I think a lot of us take this for granted). I am always going to be there for the people I love as much as I can, but it’s in not expecting it back in the same form or even at all that it stops you from having the situation exacerbated or feeling like you’re drowning because you have you to stop that. 

But the above are all things that have helped the main thing which is processing what happened and dealing with why I feel how I feel. There are and always will be days that are darker than others – no one is exempt from this. But it’s in recognising that I am not helpless, even on the very darkest days (and there were some very very dark days of which I shan’t repeat my thoughts), I made myself get out of bed eventually and go for a quick walk to the park. Tricks that helped me get through to days where I can process, question and conquer the dark feelings.
In truth, I feel so much more detached and numb than I did before all this and I don’t actually know if I will ever go back to feeling more like I did before. But at least I learnt, I have me. I will always have me. As long as I have faith in myself.

The Point of It All

I have always been a firm believer that people give their own lives meaning. For some that’s money, some dedicate their lives to causes and others turn to religion. But there is always something there that guides them, distracts them from the inevitable end that happens to all of us whilst they try to prove to themselves that their existence isn’t meaningless. Unfortunately, there’s not really another way to word this belief to make it sounds less depressing – I personally find it almost liberating to see the construct of motivation for what it is. But it also does mean that when you go through tough times, you do start to question why any of it matters and if there is any point to any of it.

Living the life that I led up until a few months ago, I was a young professional in a good job with good career prospects working and living in central London. I had decent 9-6 hours and a strong passion for an exercise/past-time outside of work. I assumed the identity of someone who was within the system, a fully functional member of society bobbing along with the current. I was quite suddenly ejected from that life and even though I still have my group of friends and passion for my activity, I lost that identity of being a young London professional. It’s given me a lot of time to think about whether that is really what I want.

Since I left my old job, I’ve really struggled with mental health. Loneliness has never been something I cope well with and suddenly I found out how much I relied being around people for 36-40 hours a week at work. I find myself numb a lot of the time and apathetic. What a horrible place to be. And then it leaves you wondering. What is the point of any of it. All these rules and expectations you and the rest of society impose on yourself, is any of it worth it?

The Elephant that Left the Room

One thing they don’t tell you about when your mental health suffers is the constant presence of it in your life. It permeates everything you do. Oozes from every pore.
It’s true, time heals but only some of the more superficial wounds. Even now after a few months, I can go about my life, go on holiday, laugh with friends and still feel an inch away from that vast chasm of darkness that threatens to swallow me. It feels so easy to just break and a very thin veil of strength holds me from actually doing so.
The presence of it irks me. I want to be fine. I want to stop talking about this, thinking about this, fearing this, hating this, trying to move on from this. And being the person that I naturally am (typical Type A personality, highly-organised, high anxieties, erratic energy), I, of course, start projecting on other people that they’re expecting me to be over it by now. I have no actual way of knowing what they think, only know that I expect this from myself. And it all adds to self-loathing when I realise, I’m not over it. I’m still very much hurt by it and it needs to be confronted that there’s a high possibility I will always feel the effects of this. The only hope that I cling tightly to and that keeps me going is that the effects could turn out to be positive, and I have the power to make it so.

Crickhowell: A jolly weekend jaunt around Brecon Beacons

Went away for a short weekend trip with my friend S as we both just wanted to get out of London and breathe in some fresh country air.

She suggested it about three weeks ago and it was pretty easy (and relatively cheap) to sort out accommodation (airbnb) and transport (rental car). Logistically, we could’ve been a bit more organised with the timing of our journey out there as we ended up right in the middle of rush hour traffic – it took us two hours to get out onto the M4.

When we eventually got there though, we were warmly welcomed by our host Richard who was friendly and accommodating throughout our stay there. It was definitely nice to have a warm lit fire to return to after a long day’s walking and exploring!

Crickhowell is a tiny village located within the Brecon Beacon national park in South/Mid Wales. We chose it because it was situated within the national park but also a close enough drive to a slightly larger town called Abergavenny which we did so to go to the supermarket (Crickhowell only has local grocers and prides itself on not having a corporate branded supermarket) and to stretch our climbing muscles on an indoor wall.

Being in that area of the world, everything is scenic anyway but our walk yesterday up to Table Mountain (not an actual mountain) was absolutely breath-taking.

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The view at the start of the trail up to Table Mountain

We were blessed with the perfect weather and although it was about 4 degrees, by the time we had started on the steeper parts of the route, we were down to our baselayers. The top of the hill was still sprinkled with residue snow from the day before and gave a very serene quality to the landscape:

It was a lovely walk which took a meagre 3 hours. Certainly worth a walk to experience some amazing views!

Today we decided to do a short hike up Sugar Loaf, the hill next to Table Mountain, before heading back. The route we followed (found online) felt shorter and less effort compared with the one up Table Mountain, although it did say it would take only 2 hours. We did get lost in the woods near the peak and subsequently was a bit clueless as to whether we actually made it to the peak or not (there didn’t seem to be a clear peak point as there had been on Table Mountain) so I’m of the opinion that we may have missed the actual peak… This route started off through woodland which was a nice change of scenery from the route yesterday. We went through an unusual forest of stunted oak trees which looked rather peculiar.

It was a great weekend. I fully recommend anyone looking for a short walking trip to head towards Crickhowell way.

 

Photo Debrief: HK Feb 2016

Hi all, sorry for the quiet period after getting back from HK. It took me a while to get over my jet lag and by then the full force of reality had hit me and I was back to my endless cycle of working, seeing my boyfriend and climbing with my friends.

Today I’ve got a little bit of time to myself so I’ve taken this opportunity to post up the highlights of my little HK tour. Sorry this post is a little low on the word count but I hope that the HD photos will make up for it.

Enjoy!

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Hong Kong, until next time!

The last 36 hours have been a bit of a blur!

Yesterday afternoon G and I went to the Sha Tin racecourse for the New Year races. The best way to get there is via the MTR as there is a designated station that serves this racecourse on days it holds events. Not every train on this line will go to the Racecourse station, and the ones that do will say on the next train board that it goes via that way. If in doubt, ask a member of staff. The trains run every 15 minutes or so.

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I have actually never been to a racecourse on racing day so can’t compare but it was a good atmosphere and a lot of fun.

After dinner with my cousin, we met with an old school friend of mine for a few drinks. He took us to a place called Brick House which was down a narrow alley that looks quite ominous on Lan Kwai Fong. It was a chilled out bar that also serves food. Their cocktails were quite good, I particularly liked the Picante Verde (I like my gin), and the music was on the mild side of eclectic which I liked.
The night was rounded off with a trip to Mr Red’s Karaoke bar in Wan Chai. Karaoke bars are good fun but expensive. They do make an absolute killing on the drinks but it is worth it to go once in a while to live out your inner rock star.

For brunch today my uncle took us to a traditional tea house in Sheung Wan called Lin Heung tea house. This place encompasses an authentic tea house experience for the average citizen back in the day. Cramped, noisy and busy, I do really enjoy the experience as well as the food. The ladies with the trolleys coming round shouting out what type of different dim sum they have and the male workers coming round with the large big kettles of boiling water to refill any open tea bowls. Yum cha is a big tradition as well as still a popular activity in Hong Kong, no visit would be complete without doing it, if you like envisaging what 1920s-30s Hong Kong teahouses were like, Lin Heung is the best place to go.

Afterwards we took a tram (in Cantonese we call them ding ding) towards Causeway Bay. A cosy but pleasant way to travel, particularly if you can afford to be leisurely with your time. At $2.3 for a ride, it’s worth going on one if you are wandering around central.

A short post from me today as I still have the remnants of my hangover from last night.
Tomorrow is souvenir shopping and last minute packing day as my flight back is tomorrow night. So I guess this is the last post from me on HK (for now). I have to say, it was an absolute blast!

Talking about TripAdvisor’s #4 of 717 things to do in Hong Kong

Yesterday was spent resting from the previous night’s late antics and seeing family and eating. So much eating.

So today will just be a fairly quick one discussing the tourist attraction that is currently TripAdvisor’s #4 thing to do in HK, out of a listed 717. That is the Tian Tan Buddha and Po Lin monastery.

Standing at 34m tall, the Tian Tan Buddha was finished at the end of 1993. It is quite iconic of HK, and usually one of the main things I get asked by people in the UK “have you been to see the big Buddha?”.

I can’t say I’ve ever understood what the fuss is about. Yes I have been as a little girl, and yes it’s a big statue of Buddha, what’s the big deal? G, of a mainly western background, wanted to see it so I thought it’d be good to go seeing as my years of living was probably in the single digits last time I went.

A good tip is, if you’re looking to go via cable car from Tung Chung, I strongly recommend booking in advance. If not, then you should definitely turn up early (we got there at 8.45 and there was already a thirty people strong queue waiting for tickets). Getting there early is definitely worth it as it is the quietest in the morning.

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For those with a fear of heights, there are buses available and also a walkway along the bottom of the cable car route for those looking for a gruelling start to the day.

The views from the cable car are stunning and absolutely breathtaking on a nice day.

As soon as you hit Ngong Ping, things get a little strange. They’ve now constructed a new “village” at the base where the cable car terminal is which houses eateries and gift shops – all of which is, of course, extortionately priced.
The entire construct is like a theme park and it’s run by Hello Kitty. This character that has no mouth but the seeming ability to charm the world appears in multiple scenarios ranging from the glass bottomed cable cars, to a large figurine of her in the centre of Ngong Ping village. There is even a wishing tree that is made partly from plastic. It’s super tacky and encompasses everything I dislike about tourism (and no I think tourism is a good thing in general).

After the gate, things start to feel less sparkly and plastic and a bit more authentic.

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We stop off at the temple first to pay our respects and to explore the beautifully crafted building. And it is an absolutely beautiful no-expenses-spared compound.

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I quite enjoy visiting religious buildings; I love seeing the detail and effort people go to in order to build something for a cause they’re passionate about. I’m not religious but I do understand passion and the motivation it provides. The moment that the visit to Po Lin temple really turned it off for me was when I saw the Hall of Ten Thousand Buddhas:

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Yes it is impressive, yes it is magnificent but something about it feels perversely garish to me. The tiles on the walls above and below the gold line of buddhas, each tile is a Buddha donated by someone who has their name on there. Personally all of it just feels wrong to me. If you like spectacles of grandeur though, this is definitely one.
Po Lin monastery does have some good food. All of which is vegetarian. We didn’t have lunch there but stopped for some mid morning sweet treats:

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At $25 for the lot on the photo, it is definitely worth a taste.

After that we visited the Buddha which is a steep climb of 268 steps (I looked it up, I didn’t count as I was too busy complaining 😂), so it really isn’t suitable for anyone with mobility problems.
The view from the top is totally worth it though, and I’m not talking about the statue.

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Lantau island is itself an amazing natural setting, if I were to go back, it would be for a hike up the peak of the island.

If you don’t mind it being overly touristy, then I would recommend going. If you, like me, prefer going to places less obviously geared towards tourism, Wong Tai Sin or Man Mo temple are probably the best way to experience the religious traditions in Hong Kong.

恭喜發財! It’s the year of the monkey!

Happy New Year!

It’s been a busy two days here in Hong Kong! On Tuesday, we did tai chi in the morning, yum cha with my grandma and exploring the market streets in Mong Kok like Goldfish Street.

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It’s an interesting place to see but probably one to avoid if you’re a big animal lover. I don’t know what their conditions are like during their tenancy at this shops but seeing a puppy or kitten in a small glass cage is pretty cruel. There are plenty of other market streets around here that are suitable for exploration and lots that have quirky souvenir ideas.

Today, started off with dragging G along with me (sorry G) to the Just Climb bouldering wall near Diamond Hill. I normally climb three to four times a week so was definitely needing a session having not been since last Monday. It was a small but good bouldering centre which makes the most of its space by having a lot of challenging routes mainly on vertical or overhang walls. I did find the routes a tad confusing though as each hold in a route was marked by a tag near the hold and not by the colour of the hold itself which is the more helpful practice – it’s hard to see the tags when you’re on the wall. It was also a lot more expensive in comparison to climbing in the UK. In London, the average place has free registration and shoe rental plus entry is ~£13. Here it was $158 for entry, $100 for registration and $40 for shoe rental if you need it which works out about ~£26. Although having looked at another climbing wall in HK, it seems like this might be to do with the local market.

After climbing we visited Wong Tai Sin Temple on the way back. It’s a beautiful old temple which sits in the midst of lots of high rise residential blocks of flats. Like most landscapes in central HK, it is a pleasant clash of nature, traditional culture and modern day city.

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If you fancy visiting this large, beautiful place of worship but hate lager crowds, any time before midnight on CNY is recommended. Chaos breaks out at the stroke of midnight as people try and be the first to offer incense to the Gods as thanks for looking after them in the previous year and for any wishes that were made and granted. Getting the incense down as early into the year as possible shows a high level of sincerity to the gods so all temples for at least the first week after CNY tend to be full of hustle and bustle. Wong Tai Sin is one of the most popular for people trying to lay the incense down first.

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Last night we went round my mum’s family for a traditional reunion dinner. This happens on the last day of the lunar year and traditionally is the main day of the year families would make the effort to all eat together (usually they would eat at different times according to needs on the farms). We had a Chinese Hotpot (although not sure if it’s called hotpot) which had all the ingredients cooked in the same pot – the traditional meal ate on this day.

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No the picture does not deceive. It was a gigantic metal bowl full of everything. Chicken, prawns, fish balls, squid, pork belly, turnips, beancurds, dried fish, mushrooms, hair moss fungus thing, dried mussels etc. Literally everything.
For dessert we had rice balls, another traditional food for today.

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The roundness of the balls represent unity of the family and symbolise the family gathering.
After midnight and letting off some fireworks (and surviving the one that went rogue), we headed back via a flower market.
These flower markets are pop up stalls that open in local community areas like basketball courts and are open up until CNY selling goods to help celebrate the new year. The goods sold vary by market but generally it’s flowers, toys and food. Last day of the lunar year is the last day these stalls are open so from evening onwards, these vendors will greatly reduce prices in order to shift their leftover stock. By 1am when we arrived, it was havoc as they were trying to flog everything so they could go home.

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The flower stalls in particular have the best deals as obviously they deal with perishable goods. One store was offering vases for $100 and then allowing those customers to fill the vases with all the flowers they wanted. Another was (forcefully) pushing literal armfuls of flowers into the crowd for $50. “Grab all you want and just pay 50, I want to go home!” Shouted the man.

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If you like a good bargain and a bit of a chaotic environment, I would definitely recommend visiting one these markets at night at the start of CNY.

Hong Kong Exploring: day 1

5/2 Friday
10:00 Leave home
10:30 Lam tsuen
11:30 Temple tai po
12:00 lunch at tai wan, 
13:30 star ferry,
14:00 pick up at central
14:30 aberdeen, jumbo,
15:15 pick up at WCH
15:30 Repulse bay,
16:00 chung hom kok,
16:30 Stanley
18:00 Dinner buffet at CWB
20:00 peak.

That was my dad’s proposed itinerary to me over whatsapp. Bearing in mind G and I both landed in HK with a stinking cold, I thought he was being a bit ambitious. We did it though. It’s amazing how much more you can see when you get round in a car – once you get over the appalling driving in HK.

The star ferry was a good highlight as a cheap way to experience the waters that surrounds HK as one of the routes runs between Tsim Sha Tsui and Central. The journey is about 10 minutes long and costs just $2.5 (~£0.21).

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View from the Star Ferry enroute to Central

Another must see is to go up to the Victoria peak which you can get to via the vernacular but the queues for it are usually rather off-putting. Once up though you’ll be treated to stunning views from the highest point overlooking the city. This is particularly stunning at night as the skyscrapers put on amazing light displays that light up the horizons.

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HK night sights from Victoria Peak

One of the most chilled out places we went to was Repulse Bay. This is one of the more westernized areas but this means you get a lot of amazing bars and restaurants with doors that open to a beach view. It is super popular in the summer as it’s accessible by public transport (majority of HK locals don’t own cars) but in Feb-April it is a lovely break from the craziness of central HK.

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Repulse bay

Those are probably my highlights of the day. Sorry about the quality of the pictures, I’m currently writing on my phone so don’t have access to the ones on my DSLR. I promise I will post a post of the highlights from my reel when I get back to England.

New Zealand – My favourite destination to date

As this is post is published, I will still be 30,000 ft up in the air so I thought I’d schedule a post about my favourite travel destination thus far in my 25 years of wandering this earth.

At the time of writing (03,02,2016), New Zealand is still, by far, the place that holds my heart. With its beautiful landscape and laid-back cities and towns, it is the country and land that encompasses everything that I could ever want.

Expansive countrysides and a beautiful range of respected natural features of the land that is revered by its inhabitants. And I only visited Auckland, Rotorua and Taupo in the North Island on my first trip.

If you love the outdoors, Lord of the Rings, good food, good wine or just love travelling. Go New Zealand. I will definitely be going back.